Because IT IS NOT A Dry Heat.

Yesterday it was really, really hot. Do you know what the heat index is? Because when I lived in California, I didn't know. The heat index is used when it's really freakin' hot and really freakin' humid and they need a whole separate scale to tell you that if you go outside you will probably spontaneously combust. It's like this: Yesterday it was 94 degrees, but with the humidity it felt like 200,000 (really 109) degrees.

At one point I went into the garage to put a trash bag into the big garbage can. The garage is attached to our house. The big garbage can is about 15 feet away from the house door. About halfway there I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't be able to make it back. It was just too hot and I didn't bring any water. And then I started thinking about what Bear Grylls would do. And then I started thinking about how good looking he is. And then I started thinking about how he would probably put a urine-soaked shirt on his head. And since I wasn't going to do that, my tombstone would read:

She Should Have Taken Water With Her On That Reckless Trek To The Garbage Can.

Amazingly, I did make it back into the house. I know! I count myself lucky. I should totally be on one of those survivor shows. "Woman puts trash bag in garbage during Iowa heat wave. And LIVES to tell about it!" And I could totally reenact it for the dramatization portion. It would be AWESOME! And then I would go on speaking engagements and then somehow I would get to meet Oprah.

Anyway! Whatever! I'm trying to live a dream here, people! A couple hours later the sky looked like this:

And then about a half hour later it looked like this:

And then James and I were standing in our backyard and we watched as the clouds started to swirl above our heads. Do you see the swirl in the middle of the pictures?

We actually saw three of those large swirls above us. I was halfway convinced that three tornadoes were about to land on us. James was excited because he got to say, "WE HAVE ROTATION! WE HAVE ROTATION!" about one hundred times as he videotaped it. And I was excited because I got to make fun of him. And then the wind was rushing around us in every direction and I don't like it when my hair blows around so I went inside.

And then the sky looked like this:

And then it started to rain. The important part of this story being that when it started to rain and the sky turned black with clouds the temperature dropped to 75 degrees and I was happy.

The End.