Banking 101

There is a fort made of chairs and blankets and such.

Inside the fort is The Bank complete with a banker (me) and a bank president (Peyton). Outside the fort is a customer (Ella).

Before I can play Bank I must understand the very complicated way in which the bank operates. It's pretty similar to a regular bank. If that regular bank was operated by very strange and imaginative children who enjoy cheese suckers. I don't even know what those are.

Bank President: "Ella's going to put some money down through here and you're going to try to catch it in the tub."

Bank President: "But when she's done, she's going to put her card inside here. Ella! Not yet!"

Customer: "I didn't!"

Bank President: "Yes you did! And Ella's going to put her card through here when she's done. And she's going to push it over. And then at the end, and she doesn't have any money on it, and you're going to put money on it. And then you're going to give it to me and I'm going to put money on it. And I'll give it to you and you push it back through."

Banker: "Okay. And then she's going to take it?"

Bank President: "Yes."

Banker: "And why is there pee-pee in here?"

Bank President: "Because we have a dog."

Banker: "It's not potty trained yet?"

Bank President: "Umm... No."

Banker: "And why is there a dog in the bank?"

Bank President: "I don't know. Because he's awake all night and he sleeps at day so he's sleeping right now. Because when robbers come out, they usually come out at night. So he'll bark at them and he'll bite them when they try to get money."

Because my kids like to play Puppy they've made a whole set of Pretend-Play Puppy Essentials. They've created throw-up, poop and pee. I bet you can figure out which is which. I'll give you a hint: The throw-up has carrots and puppy food in it.

You are so welcome.

Bank President: "All right, Ella! Now, Mommy, remember, you're going to try to catch it."

Customer: "Wait Mommy! One more thing. Umm... You have to tell me how much I need to do."

Bank President: "Yes. How much buttons she has to pay. But don't say all of it."

Banker: "Okay."

Bank President: "But when she's done doing all the numbers that's done. When she's done putting all the buttons in there, you're going to have to dump it out to me and then I'll put it in the deposit for her."

Banker: "And that will go on her card?"

Bank President: "I'll put it in the computer and then some will go on the computer and when I slide her card, some will go on it."

Banker: "I'll take 5 buttons please."

Customer: "Okay! 1, 2, 3..."

Bank President: "Oh, also, Mommy, you can ask her if she wants a sucker, but she can only have a rainbow colored one."

Customer: "4, 5."

Bank President: "Ella, slide your card and then put it in there. Mommy, when you get it, when I'm done putting money back on it you're going to give her one of these money and put it there with her card and give it back to her. Get ready."

Customer: "Mommy, wait! One more thing. This is how you lock it and this is how you unlock it."

Customer: "Now what am I supposed to do?"

Bank President: "Now you're supposed to get some of this money and put it in there but when I give you your card back you're going to put it there. Here you go. You need all these coins, too."

Banker: "So how much is in on the card now?"

Bank President: "I usually slide it and it then it goes $1000. And you know what? If you work at this bank you get a lot of money. Because it takes up all the money off of her card."

Banker: "So she deposits 5 coins and she gets $1000 on her card?"

Bank President: "Yeah. But then when she comes back, she just paid $1000 plus 5 equals $1005. We have $1005. And then she's going to come back and do a lot of other stuff. Ella, do you remember what to do when you're done by the front of the bank?"

Customer: "I know, go home."

Bank President: "No, come to this side. And bring your money."

Customer goes to the other side of the bank: "Hello."

Bank President: "Hi. Put sticks in here."

Customer: "Put sticks in here. Got it! How much sticks?"

Bank President: "All of them, remember?"

Customer: "Okay."

Bank President: "Can I have all of your cash? Except for what the banker gave you?"

Customer: "Okay."

Bank President: "Thank you."

Customer: "Wait! I want a sucker, please."

Bank President: "One sucker, coming up."

Customer: "Wait, I want to pick which one I want, remender? Cheese, orange." (The customer says remember like that - remender.)

Banker: "I think we only have rainbow."

Customer: "I want rainbow and cheese and red."

Bank President: "All we have is two more left. Would you like two?"

Customer: "Yes. No! I mean four!"

Bank President: "Sorry, we only have two. Since you are almost the one hundredth customer...." (Makes computer sounds) "Here! A $9 million dollar bill!"

Customer: "Cool!"

Bank President: "And that's really lucky. Because when you come back, you don't have to pay. Will you slide your card?"

Customer: "Okay, man."

Bank President: "Before the bank closes."

Customer: (Slides card) "Good-bye."

Bank President: "Oh! Would you like a toy? Look in here and you can pick."

Customer: (Picks a toy) "Okay. Goodbye sir."

Bank President: "Goodbye."

Could you keep up with all that? Because I barely could. When my kids are trying to explain something to me, and I say, "Okay" it usually means "What the heck did you just say? I have no idea what's going on here. Where am I?"

AND we had to do the whole thing 2 more times so that we could each be the customer.

My sweet, sweet children.