Conversation With A 3-Year-Old At 11:37 PM

Ella should have been asleep 3 hours ago. She comes out of her room wearing nothing but a diaper.

"Mommy, me have go poopoo in potty."

"No, it's too late for that." This might sound like I'm prohibiting the potty-training. I can absolutely guarantee you that I am not. This is Ella's Stay-Awake Tactic #217. The ONLY time she wants to use the potty is when she's supposed to be sleeping. And whenever I let her try, nothing happens. It's all a trick. She plays around in there. She plays with the shower curtain, the toilet paper, whatever she can reach from the potty. She's even tried this in the past: "Mommy, I PROMISE I go potty!" And of course I gave in to that one. And, yes, it was a trick. Point: Ella.

"Ella, if you want to change your diaper, go ahead." It's barely even wet, but I know it will make her happy.

"Okay, Mama. Watch!" This is not unusual for her. She is a professional Self-Diaper Changer.

She rips off her diaper and makes it into a little ball. "Me throw it in trash."

"Okay, sweetie. Then go get a new diaper, okay?"

"Okay! Me do it! Watch my legs!" I watch as little naked girl runs as fast as she can to her room to get a diaper.

"Do you want me to help you?"

"No. Me do it." She pulls up her diaper. "Me need new jammas. Watch my legs!" She runs as fast as she can back to her room. She reappears with a pair of Peyton's old pajamas: blue with red firetrucks. Her wardrobe choices vacillate daily between extra girly and anything of Peyton's. "You help me?"

"Okay." I help her put on the pajamas and she crawls into my lap. "Mommy, me not like thunder."

"I know, sweetie, but there's no thunder now."

"I heard Boom-Boom!"

"That was the wind on the windows."

"Oh! Oh geez!" Laughs at herself for making such an assumption.

"It does sound like thunder sometimes, doesn't it?"

"Yeah! Mommy, me love you ever ever ever."

"I love you, too."

"Look! Mama ladybug!" Scoops up pretend ladybug and places it on my shoulder. "See?" Turns my head to make me look at my shoulder. "Don't eat it!"

It seems she has to give this warning every time she gives one of us an invisible creature:

"Here's caterpillar. Don't eat it!"

"Butterfly for you. It pink. Don't eat it!"

"Little kitty. Don't eat it!"

"Bun Bun (bunny). It for you. Don't eat it!"

She used to just scoop up these little things and pour them into our hands as a gift. We would pet them softly and care for them. One day, she gifted my husband with an invisible pink butterfly. They had been playing around and being silly, so he thought it would be funny to pop it in his mouth. She burst into tears. He felt terrible and took it out right away, but the damage was done.

The good news is that I get to use it as leverage against him. Don't mess with Ella's invisible animals. Seriously. Don't do it.

So now every time she gives the warning, I get to give James a big thumbs up and whisper, "Good job, Dad!" Because raising kids is sometimes like playing a crazy-fun version of Monopoly. Every time she says, "Don't eat it!" it's like I own Park Place and he just landed on it. Point: Darcy. James owns lots of properties on Parent Monopoly, too, I just can't think of any at the moment. Strange.

"Daddy ladybug, baby ladybug!" Places them on my shoulder. "Purple bouncy ball! They playing!"

"Ella, it's time to go to bed."

"Me not sleepy. See?" Looks up at the light to prove her point. "When me not sleepy, bird poop! Poop!" Throws her head back with laughter. "Me not like matoes (tomatoes) or poop or sammiches (sandwiches)! Look!" Turns my head to look at my other shoulder. "Daddy ladybug playing purple bouncy ball!"

I place my hand above her tummy and wiggle my fingers as if I'm about to tickle her. She brings her little hand up and wiggles it in front of mine and talks in her pretend voice. "Hi!"

"Hi! My name's Handy, what's your name?" I say in my pretend voice.

"Handy Manny! Wanna be my friend?"

"Okay!" We lock our fingers together. Yeah, I know, I could almost gag at the sweetness of it, too.

"Okay, time to go back to bed." I start to get up. She throws her arms around my neck and pulls me close to her sweet little face.

"Mommy, me not sleepy. Me keep you forever."

How do you mess with that kind of logic? You just can't.

And then my sweet little girl headed off to bed.

Lamb and Lion Note Holder Kid Kit

Because March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb: I just finished my Lion and Lamb Note Holder Kid Kit. Perfect for springtime! I mean, really, does it get any cuter? Impossible.

The lamb's and lion's legs are made out of clothespins, so you can clip in little notes or lists. I'm obsessed with To Do lists. You should be, too, because then I would feel more normal. I even stamped a a few lamb and lion papers to start you on your way to obsessionville. Really, we love it here. Really.

Here are the "sheep" and lion that Ella made. Whenever I call it a lamb, she yells: "No! It sheep!" Ella is quite fond of sheep. And yelling. Anyway, I did the cutting, she did all the gluing. Look at the sweet little lion's face that Ella drew:

And here are Peyton's lamb and lion. He did all the cutting and gluing himself. Except for the lion's face - he insisted I do the lion's face. But he did cut out the body circles and the lamb's face and all the yarn. His scissor skills are really coming along!

Happy Crafting!

Why You Might Want to Consider Wearing More Sunscreen

I overheard my 5-year-old explaining death to my 3-year-old:

Peyton: "Everyone goes to Baby Jesus sometime when they get old. Everyone! Did you know? Even dogs!"

Ella: "Peyton, what old?"

Peyton: "Old is when your skin gets bumpy and wrinkly and has lines. When it gets more and more lines you will die."

Ella: "Yes, you die!"

Recycling Crayons

I had been wanting to do this broken crayon melting thing for some time and I finally took the plunge! I searched online and found about a hundred and one different ways (oven temperatures, baking times, broken crayon sizes, etc.) to do it. I like living on the razor's edge, so I made up my way as we went along. 

We dumped out our bucket of crayons and then sorted through them to find all the broken ones. Then we got to the peeling. Some of the crayon wrappers were a little tough to remove, so I was in charge of cutting each wrapper down the side with a small paring knife. Peyton and Ella were then able to take the rest of the wrapper off easily. 

I lined an old muffin tin with paper liners and then we tossed in the crayon pieces. Some we color coordinated and some we just mixed. I've seen this done in the fancy shaped muffin tins - like hearts and flowers and such - and it looks super cute.  I don't have the fancy kind, but I think the paper liners made our new crayons pretty fancy anyway. Take that, Martha Stewart.

We melted them in a 250 degree oven for about 20 minutes. It probably takes a shorter amount of time for most ovens, but we kept opening the oven door because Peyton and Ella wanted to watch the melting process. 

As soon as the pieces were all melted I took out the pan and stuck it in the freezer to speed up the hardening process because I'm impatient. Look how cool! 

Although, I do have to admit that the kids were a little disappointed that our experiment didn't turn the crayons into dessert. As soon as I took the them out of the oven, Ella said, "I want eat one!" They're used to delicious treats coming out of muffin tins, not writing utensils. But once they got over their disappointment, they thought their new crayons were pretty neat. It's a brand new experience, since they have to use the side of the crayon shape to draw, and they can't be as precise as with regular crayons. But it's a fun experiment and much more efficient than throwing away all your broken crayons. Ella's favorite: Pink, of course!

Ella's New Game

It's called: I Should Be Sleeping In My Bed - Can You Find Me?

"Ha Ha Sucker! I fell asleep behind the door while listening to Mommy and Daddy watch TV! Do you need a recap of last week's "Lost"? Because I can totally give it to you. "

"Ha Ha Sucker! I took my blanket into the hall outside my room and fell asleep. When Mommy came to check on me, she actually walked around me thinking I was a pile of clothes. Then she didn't see me in my bed and figured it out. Maybe if she was a better housekeeper, she would have noticed sooner."

"Ha Ha Sucker! This time I'm not even sleeping! I'm playing with my toys! When Mommy came in to check on me, I held really still. Somehow she still found me. She must possess some kind of Super Hero x-ray vision powers."

"In case you weren't keeping score: I win. Mommy loses!"