Christmas Tree Banner Craft Kit

I'm so happy to introduce my new craft kit, the Christmas Tree Banner! This is one for the whole family to enjoy. 

The kit includes supplies to make a 7-foot banner with 12 Christmas trees. All you need to supply are some kids, maybe some grown-ups, and scissors. 

Imagine this: 

Your family is gathered for Christmas festivities. You gather everyone at a table, or even a nice big spot on the floor, and lay out all decorations I've included. You divvy up the trees and everyone gets to decoratin'. It's fun, it's calming (or maybe even rowdy), it's family quality time filled with love and warmth. And, because you are awesome and on top of things, you make sure every tree is signed on the back, and dated, by its artist. When all the trees are completed, you string them together on the long banner ribbon. Your family has just created a beautiful Christmas banner (and memory) that can be lovingly brought out year after year. You are a superstar!

Or, imagine this:

You have 2 or more kids decorating the trees, and they each want a banner. You cut the long banner ribbon in as many pieces as you need, and everyone gets to make a mini-banner. And you are able to keep the kid-bickering to a minimum. Superstar!

Or:

You skip the banner ribbon and your child makes individual trees to pass out to family members as homemade, and much loved, Christmas gifts. Superstar!

Or:

You have your child make one or two trees each year. And you don't forget to write his or her name and the date on the back of the trees. Because, remember, you are a superstar. After a few good years, you string the trees together on the long banner and you have created a Christmas Tree timeline of artistry. Superstar!

Or:

You really need a break. You get out the Mommy-works-hard-and-needs-some-peace-and-quiet Christmas Tree banner kit. You throw all the stuff on the table, sit your kid down in front of it all, and pour yourself a much-deserved glass of wine. Sit back and relax while your kid is busy decorating. Superstar! 

That last scenario is my favorite. It's most like real life, am I right? Except in real life I pour myself a glass of wine and then one of my kids will spill sequins all over the floor. Ah well, that's one more reason why my vacuum should come with an attached wine glass holder. Is it too much to ask? So, I guess, in reality, you might not get that much-deserved peace and quiet and relaxation, but at least you'll have some cute Christmas trees!

Peyton and Ella loved making their trees.

Peyton wanted only rhinestones to decorate his. He didn't even want a star! I like it because it's simple and sweet. "Peyton, show me your tree.":

Ella used just about every kind of decoration on hers. It's pure Christmas Tree joy. Kind of goes along with her Christmas list. "Ella, show me your tree.":

Thanks for that, Ella.

"Okay! Now a picture of both of you!":

Awesome.

"Mommy! I'm a puppy!"

Anyway.

The kit includes so many kinds of embellishments! I'm talking buttons, sequins, rhinestones, ribbon, paper tree middles, tree trunks, tree stars, star bling, and more! Some of the materials may differ slightly from the examples shown, but all of them will be awesome. It's how I roll.

And, in case you forgot, the box it all comes in is biodegradable! What's that you say? The box is the perfect size and shape to be wrapped up and given as a present? Why, yes! Yes it is!

And here's a little segment we'll make fancy by calling: Banners Across the World!

(But really, it's just the nonsense I go through as I drag my kids around the neighborhood trying to find the perfect place to take the banner's picture.)

Mossy fence:

White fence with too much space between the slats:

 Other white fence with lots of shadows:

And, in the end, right back to its home on the mantel:

Happy Holiday Crafting!

Fail.

Hey, Life Insurance Medical Test Guy, I've done this before, so I know how it should work. Someone comes to your house, asks you some medical questions, has you pee in a cup, takes some blood, gives you the lamest medical exam ever, and leaves.

That's when it's done the right way. And then there's this guy.

Strike One:
The appointment is a 9:00 a.m. I have to fast - no breakfast and no coffee. I could have called the whole experience a fail just for that, but it gets worse.
When I get home from dropping Ella off at school, WAY BEFORE my scheduled appointment, there's a phone message. The medical test guy is somehow unable to find my house. I immediately call him back, but he says he's already left to go back to his office and won't be able to get to my house until WAY AFTER 9:00. I call shenanigans on that nonsense. Shenanigans!

Strike Two:
I need to give some blood. As I get older, I'm getting better at this needle thing, but I still freak out a little. My heart races, I get a little hot and sweaty, my brain enters the Twilight Zone. But I deal with it. I'm a grown-up now, for crying out loud. I deal. So the guy gets the needle ready and I look away to try and find my happy place.
"Are you nervous?"
"A little bit, but I'm okay."
He sticks me with the needle. I deal.
"Oops. I missed the vein. I'll have to do it again."
I start to freak out the tiniest bit more. My pain tolerance is low, yes, but it's the fear of more pain that kills me. I take a deep, shaky breath and look down at my arm. The vial is filling up with blood.
He didn't miss.
"Just kidding." And there's some sort of sick gleeful spark in his eyes.
What is the matter with you, guy? You see what I'm going through! I don't understand why this is funny to you. Have you NO SOUL?

Strike Three:
He finishes with the all the blood letting and is putting away all the materials. Hey, Mister! I'm not sending you a thank-you note! Gather up your fear-inducing humor and your medical torture devices and get out of my house!
He takes out an empty vial and looks at me.
"Uh-oh. I forgot to fill this one."
I stare back at him. I am no longer playing with you, guy.
"Just kidding."
Yep.
Hey, life insurance medical testing jackass, I just want you to know that this whole game would be sooo much more fun for me if not for the potential of another needle being jabbed into my arm. The fear and the pain and the racing heart and the sweat and the Twilight Zone brain.
And, by the way, REALLY? THIS IS FUN FOR YOU?

Strike Four:
He needs to measure my height and weight. He takes out the scale. This could be strike four all on its own. But it's not. Oh no, not by a long shot.
I go to stand on the scale and he says:
"Let me guess."
Whoa! No No No No No No!
And before I could tell him how completely inappropriate it is for anyone I have not paid $2 at the town fair to try to guess my weight, and without going into all the gory details, I'll just say that he guessed 20 POUNDS ABOVE my actual weight.

But he did take off his shoes when he came into my house to be polite, so how does that make sense? It doesn't.

You, sir, have failed.

Getting It Done

A Toys R Us Christmas toy catalog came in Sunday's newspaper last week. I gave it to Peyton and Ella to look through, because I knew they would love it, but mostly because I enjoy Mommy Quiet Time. I gave the classic instructions, "Circle the toys that you would love to get for Christmas. It doesn't mean you'll get them, but it's fun, and Santa likes to know what you like."

Did you do this when you were little? I remember spending hours and hours circling my favorite toys in the Sears Christmas toy catalog when I was young. It seemed so important! I also remember that I rarely received ANY of the toys I circled. I still got great stuff - I'm not complaining at all, but I think Santa and I had conflicting ideas of what was best for me. Just as, I'm sure, Santa might possibly have conflicting ideas of what is best for Peyton and Ella. ESPECIALLY Ella.

Peyton went first. He flipped through to the boy section and carefully circled the things he liked. Then he wrote them in his notebook. Then he researched each toy by looking over the pictures again and erased the ones he deemed inappropriate (too babyish) for his age.

He's totally my kid - the way he tried to write it all neat and organized, and how he researched and made changes. I just think it's the sweetest list ever.

And, off-topic, here's the next page in his notebook:

I love it. He's the perfect 6 1/2 year old. 

Then, Ella got to go through the catalog. I look over, and she's on the couch circling EVERY SINGLE THING in the girl section. Not joking.

And when she was done with all the circling, she got a piece of paper and a pen. And then she asked, "Mommy, how do you spell....."

I'll translate for those of you who aren't proficient in 4 1/2 year old writing: 

"ALL tHE tOYS iN tHe WORLD"

I know! Why didn't I ever think of that? The girl doesn't mess around. She GETS. IT. DONE.

And then, a few days later, I was watching Little Bill with her. A commercial came on for that dang Barbie Jet and she was all ooh-ing and aah-ing over it. I asked her if she would like to put it on her Christmas list and she got all irritated because I had forgotten:

"Mommy! I don't need to, remender?" (I LOVE how she says remender. LOVE!)
"Why?"
"Because it already says All The Toys In The World!"


Good luck with that one, Santa.

BOO Pumpkins

Last year I bought some craft pumpkins at an after Halloween sale. I pretty much buy all my holiday decorations after the actual holiday. But not the day after the holiday when everything is 50% off. Oh no! It has to be like a week or two after the holiday. When everything is 75% off. Or, even better, 90% off! Because that's what separates the bargain shopper from the super-risk-taker because by that time most of the good stuff is gone. That right there takes some skill. It makes me all tingly just thinking about it. If a penny saved is a penny earned, I would be a rich, rich woman. But I'm not, so obviously the clearance sale portion of that theory is a bunch of crap. 

Anyway! I buy my decorations and then I have to put them straight away into their respective storage boxes, and I forget about them a little. And then I get to open them the next year, Yay! It's so fun! Like Christmas morning on Halloween decorating day or Easter decorating day or Christmas decorating day or.... 

So, I got these pumpkins for something crazy like $1 each. When I got them out of their box on Halloween decorating day, I knew I wanted:

A) To paint them white with some cute polka dots.

Because I love real orange pumpkins, but fake orange foam pumpkins, not so much. And, because I do love a polka dot.

Do you know how hard it is to paint something that resembles a circle on a bumpy pumpkin? It's quite difficult. I might possibly have spent a large amount of time mumbling "Stupid! Grumble grumble. Darn you! Grumble. We're out of glue! Grumble. I will conquer you, circles! Grumble. Circles!" as I tried to pull this off.

and

B) To spell out BOO on them. 

They are exactly the same size, so I didn't feel like I could pull off this awesomeness like my sister-in-law, Ali. I know! She's craftilicious!

The letters started out much, much smaller and kept getting much, much bigger as I tried to make them all even and pretty. Ah well. They make a statement, that's for sure.

Bam! That B isn't taking any prisoners.

And then the middle of the O's were begging for some spider webs. I kind of love them.

And, now,  the moment you've all been waiting for!

BOO pumpkins!

Happy Halloween!

Monster Rap!

I just made our traditional Halloween video on JibJab! Traditional as in I made my first one last year. Anyway.. It's so fun! And so freeeeeee! Well, some of them are free  - like the ones I did. You know how I roll.
Click on the titles to check 'em out! (Sometimes they take a while to load, you have to be patient - but it's worth it!)

Monster Rap 

Cast
DJ: Darcy
Dracula: Peyton
Frankenstein's Monster:  G.G.
Witch: Ella
Mummy: James

This video, and the one from last year, needs 5 characters. Last year I included our dog. This year I used Peyton's stuffed bear, G.G. Peyton and Ella could NOT figure out who played Frankenstein's Monster even though G.G. is an integral member of our family. But after they watched it a few times, they thought it was hilarious.

And, just because I could, and mostly because it was free, I also made a cool Star Wars video:

Star Wars

Cast
Luke Skywalker: Peyton
Hans Solo: James
Princess Leia: Ella
Lando: Darcy

My kids love these! We watch them over and over and over and over and...

Go make one!